You Never Know. . .

Another good day. No set backs, just slowly moving forward. Nurses took off your "in-between" ventilator. Now you just have the small tubes up your nose, pumping oxygen. They say they may have to go back to the ventilator, depending on how you do. Took some pictures of you today. . .smiling at your nurse. Another, "Are you kidding me?", moment. You don't seem to be anxious with the doctors and nurses anymore. You play with them and even flirt with the women :) Oh, it's good to see parts of my William coming back. I have missed you so much! I pulled out a lot of the toys that have been donated to the hospital and handed out to the children here. You played with cars, your doctor kit (the stethoscope was your favorite. you've seen a lot of those lately.), and a dragon.
You are officially off your TPN and lipids. Those were both nutrition that they were giving you intravenously. You are now being fully fed into your gut. Doctors say that we are meant to be fed through our gut and that our body can only survive so long with the TPN and lipids. You can tell the difference. Ever since that started giving you food into your gut your coloring and energy has changed. You are being fed by a tube that goes up your nose and down into your stomach. In the next few days they hope to let you have something from a sippy cup.
Progress, progress. It feels so good. I am so happy. I am so relieved. The resident here, David, walked by your room today and looked in on you and saw you playing and saw that you were doing well without the ventilator. He looked surprised and then smiled and gave a little "good job" to you. I was surprised because this made me cry. Cry with gratitude and relief. You are getting better. I always knew you would, but seeing it happen is entirely different than just having faith. The realization of your faith is an awesome thing.
I find myself mourning a little for Christmas. It miss the way it used to be. It will take me a while to get used to the changes that have taken place. Some things will come back. Some things won't. And we have gained so much more than we have lost, but I still will miss the lost things. Like this Christmas. I'm pretty sure we won't all be home together. We will make it work, but it won't be the same. And that's a little sad. I anticipate next year will be an amazing Christmas for us. And, I think we will need to have a little extra Christmas type celebration when you do come home :) Okay, I feel better now.

A good friend of the family sent this quote to Grandma:

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."

It's true. There are so many things I didn't know before this that I do know now. I didn't know I could do this. I didn't know that I could have the faith in my Heavenly Father that you would live and get better. I didn't know how much my friends and family love me and you and our family. I didn't know how much people we haven't even met could love us. I didn't know how much others love and support could carry me. I didn't know how much I love all those people. I didn't know how much I love you. I didn't know how much I love your Daddy, your Olivia, and your Lance. I didn't know how much I love my Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ. They are real. I have felt their love and their complete understanding of who I am and who you are and what we are going through. I believe we are given trials to help us realize that we can't do any of this alone. I know that now. I know that we have the opportunity every day to ask for and give help. To love each other. To love God.

You are my little Champion. My little Warrior. Thank you, for being so strong. Your strength has given me the will to fight for you, for our family. I love you, little man!