Eves

Merry Christmas Eve, little man. You are sleeping while I write this. Daddy stayed last night and then I came here with Grandy, Olivia, and Lance. Hung out for a while. Then everyone left and it's just you and me tonight on this Christmas Eve. It's a little hard. I am so tremendously, enormously, fantastically grateful you are getting better and that I still have my little William in this life with me, but I still will miss sharing our traditions with everyone tonight. When you wake up a little later we will open a few presents and watch a little DVD about the Savior's birth, called Luke 2. We watch it every year. Perfect.
Olivia and Lance can hardly wait to come back in the morning. Santa will be here. The REAL Santa. Not a helper. The REAL ONE. Can you believe it? He goes around and delivers presents to all the children in the world and then makes a special stop and the Children's Hospitals to visit the children who are sick. It should be pretty awesome. They have been so great here.
Our new room is good. Different, but good. It's quieter. Nurses sometimes go a couple of hours without even coming in. You are hooked up to monitors that they can always see. You aren't hooked up to as much stuff. You are off oxygen and IV meds. You have your feeding tube that goes up your nose and down to your tummy, your oxygenation and pulse taker that is on your toe, and your "leads." The leads are those sticker things they put all around your chest to measure how many breaths you take in a minute. It also measures your heart rate. But, each of those "attachments" are pretty portable. So, Daddy and I can pick you up whenever we want and hold you. I was holding you yesterday and you reached up as if you wanted me to hold you as if I were hugging you. I did. You squeezed me. Ohhhh, it felt good, you little darling. You also can be disconnected from your leads and oxygenation wires. When the physical therapist comes in you get to sit with Mommy or Daddy on a mat on the floor and play. You are still very weak. You are getting better and holding your head up, but still cannot sit up on your own or stand.

I probably won't write a post on Christmas. So, may I wish you a very Merry Christmas. What an amazing Christmas this has been. So different than I could have ever imagined. You remember I said in an earlier post that sometimes life has to be horrible in order for us to see the glorious and wonderful. Because my life has been touched by some of my worst fears it has forced me to rely on what matters most and to literally let go of what doesn't matter. Taking care of the basics and being okay when the fluff doesn't happen. Being okay not having control of things. And most importantly, understanding that nothing is more important than family and our commitment to each other and to our faith in God. This Christmas I am grateful to our Savior and grateful for the opportunity to celebrate His life and example. I feel closer to Him. I know He knows me, he knows you, He knows us all. He, more than any other, understands our fears, hopes, pain, suffering, and celebration. I have found great peace and security in that knowledge. It has carried me through this. . .and I know He has been with you too. For that I am so very grateful. I guess there is no greater Christmas present than that.

To the Eves in our lives. Merry Christmas Eve. Merry Going Home Eve (it will come). Merry Being All Better Eve (that will come too). And I don't want to think about the Merry Going Away to School Eve. But I am grateful that day will come :).

Sleep well, William. May visions of Sugar Plums dance in your head. I love you!!!