So Much For Boredom

I told you boredom is a good thing. It is. No boredom today. Some highs, some lows.

I came in at about 11:30 this morning. Stayed at home and hung out with big kids. Got Olivia on the bus. I even went to one store to look for some Christmas presents. It's really hard to do regular things. The only thing that makes it bearable is if I am doing some regular thing for you or for the big kids. But being in "regular" places like stores is kind of painful. I can't fully describe it. I feel sad for the way things were. The way we used to go shopping together with Lance and Olivia. Running errands. I walked into Fred Meyer and wanted to cry. No one there knew that my little boy is in the ICU. No one knew. It makes me all the more grateful for friends and family that do know. This would be unbearable without that. It also makes me realize that at one time or another we all are bearing some kind of burden and others don't know about it. Makes me want to be a little more patient and kind.

Good news when I came to the hospital. They were going to extibate you(take out your breathing tube), in 15 minutes! Hooray! Overnight you had more fevers. They sent tests to the lab. They thought it might be a viral infection, which here in the ICU means, anyone that enters the room (except Mom and Dad) have to wear a gown and mask and gloves. Mom and Dad were banned from the kitchen:) All precautions to prevent spreading of a possible virus. This should hopefully only last for 24 hours. They had weaned you off some of your sedation meds so that you would be ready to breathe on your own so you were more alert too. The gowns and masks kind of freaked you out. It was a little amuzing to me. I loved seeing emotion on your face. All went well with the extubation. It was sweet to see your little mouth again. To see your teeth and lips. With all the commotion of extubation your artery line (kind of like an IV, but to your artery) came loose. The nurses decided to just take it out. You didn't really need it anymore. They also took out your catheder. Lots of tubes gone. Hooray! The biggest Hooray of the day and past 11 days for that matter was that your mother got to hold you today. Not sure I will ever be able to put into words how I felt. When you got into my arms you reached your weak arms up towards my neck as if you wanted to hold me closer. Heaven.

The rest of the day went a little downhill. You had to work super hard to breathe. The doctors and nurses tried a lot of different things, but mostly you just had to work through it. Right now, as I am writing this post I am sitting at your bedside waiting and hoping you will relax (in an appropriate way) enough to sleep. You are hugging your bear though :) They have talked all night about putting the tube back in. Still up in the air. One step forward, two steps back. How quickly I forget that. When I was holding you somehow I felt like maybe it was over, maybe it would just be a breeze from here. How quickly I forget.

Daddy got a card from his friends at work today. The front of the card said: The most beautiful stones have been tossed by the wind and washed by the water and polished to brilliance by life's strongest storms. You are my most beautiful William! We can do this!