Lancers,
I love you little man. . .I know you don't like me to call you that anymore. So, I love you big man, or middle man :)
This has been quite a ride hasn't it? You are such a trooper. I know it's been hard. I remember Aunt Ali called me about a week or so ago and said you were having a really hard time. You had been crying for a lot of the afternoon. I got on the phone with you and my heart just about broke in two. You were crying and managed to get out "Hi, Mommy." I asked why you were so sad. You sad "I miss you so much." I said, "I am sooo sorry." And you said one of the sweetest things. You simply said, "It's okay." Such a trooper. I came home later that night and you were right at the garage door waiting. You didn't leave my side for the rest of the night. We had a good cuddle session.
Not to say you haven't also been a total stinker, cause you have. You are really good at that and I can't imagine you holding back in this situation. But, all in all I think you have done a good job just being you and coping in whatever way you can manage.
You have also been very brave and very sweet. You take good care of Olivia, when you are not driving her crazy. You remember to pray for Will whenever you pray. I remember the day that William went to the ER and all this started. We were at home. William was sleeping. You and I were playing cars. You abruptly stopped playing and said, "I am going to say a prayer for William." You folded your arms, bowed your head, closed your eyes, and said, "Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for William to feel better." And that was it. You went back to playing. I wouldn't be surprised if that little, faith-filled prayer help him get to the ER before he got even more sick. Thanks, Lancers! Thanks for the hugs and kisses, thanks for the prayers, thanks for the laughs (you say some really funny stuff), thanks for loving me so unconditionally. I know I have fallen short in a lot of ways the past few weeks. But you are still waiting to pounce on me when I walk through the door with showers of hugs and kisses and praise. Please, don't ever stop :)
I love you.
Mommy
Lance is such a special boy. I'm so glad he has you for a mommy.
ReplyDeleteBetsy,
ReplyDeleteYour letters to Olivia and Lance reminded me of how Bailey and Zane handled things when Thomas was in the hospital. I'm hoping some of my experience might be helpful to you. Just yesterday (2 months after Thomas' accident) Zane admitted to me that he's still afraid that Thomas is going to die! I was shocked that he feels that way. Zane has had a four-year-old-boy way of coping with his twin brother's accident and it hasn't included a lot of articulating his in-depth feelings. ( : It's mostly been along the lines of more hyperness and whining and hospital-themed play. But, yesterday he whispered in my ear that he's scared that Thomas will die! I don't know what conversations you or others have had with Lance but if it's surely past that risk point with William (which it sounds like it is), I would recommend being very clear with Lance (and Olivia) so they can shed that fear (in case either of them have been silently harboring it).
As for Bailey (6 1/2 years old), when Thomas was in the hospital, I let her stay up past her bedtime and write in her journal in bed. I don't know if she would have written in her journal if it weren't for the perk of getting to stay up later! I think writing about what was happening and how she felt was helpful to her. She even drew a picture of Thomas falling out of the window (even though, she'd actually been at school when it happened and so hadn't seen it). Just some ideas.
If you are anything like me, the whole experience has been unbelievably hard... and yet you can do it! You're able to do exactly what you need to do. I'm thinking of you.
Becca Cunningham (Zumba)