Over the Rainbow

Well, you have gone over 48 hours without a fever. Whohooo!!!!!!!!! After 13 solid days with a fever it must feel fantastic, buddy. Way to go! One major milestone met. I asked the surgeons when they did rounds today what the next milestone is. . .when do you get to come home. They said they now want to see you weaned off your meds (which should happen in the next 24 hours) and establish some better eating habits. The eating may actually be another challenge. Your appetite still pretty much, sucks. You did eat 10 bites of pancakes this morning. But the bites were about the size of the end of my thumb. You just aren't getting in enough calories. And you aren't doing a great job at staying hydrated either. So, more waiting. While we wait you are having a good time going on a couple of wagon rides a day and making at least one trip to the playroom to work out your little muscles. You hate being in your bed when you aren't sleeping so when we are hanging out in the room you come and cuddle on the day bed with either me or Daddy. I love that! You are definitely showing signs of wanting out of this place. Good. I want out too.
I just finished watching your slide show. It had been a few days since I had looked at those pictures from when you were really sick. I can't believe that was you, William. I still struggle to comprehend that this is our life and that all this has happened to our little family. I feel bad, but I still break down every time I see the pictures of you when you were super healthy. The one where you and Olivia and Lance are standing on the landing in the entry way in your Halloween costumes is pretty painful for me to see. That's my William. And I haven't seen him in four really long weeks. I miss him! I miss being able to hold you, the right way, where I don't have to worry about hurting you. I miss your pudgy, toddler cheeks. Your sparkly eyes. Don't get me wrong. I am so deeply and truly happy that you are getting better. I love that your personality and strength are coming back. I love that I still have my little boy. But, I miss. . .I don't know how to put it into words. I want to say that I miss the old William. That is partly true. But, I know the little boy you are becoming in so much stronger and even more patient than before. I guess, what I mean is, I miss seeing you running around and laughing and playing and screaming and climbing and doing regular little boy stuff. And, even though you are getting better, the road ahead is long. So, how can I be the Mommy that you need me to be? I've got to keep looking to the future. Keep Moving Forward. Head toward that rainbow in our future.

Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me.

As I have said throughout all of this, I am so grateful for the blessings that we have received. I am so grateful for answered prayers. It is comforting to know that the clouds will pass and the sun will shine in your blue eyes again. I would wait forever for that. I love you. I have one last thing to say to you, EAT!

xoxo Mommy