We've been home for three days. It's been wonderful. Really hard, frustrating, exhausting, and somewhat nerve-racking, but wonderful. I have been meaning to write a post about it all, but I am just way too tired. It's taking all my mental and physical strength to write this. But this blog is like therapy for me. It feels good.
So, we came home around noon on Tuesday, the 4th of January. Said our goodbyes to docs and nurses. We went down to the 8th floor PICU and said some emotional goodbyes to all those angels. I'm not quite sure I will ever be able to think of them and not get choked up. They are amazing.
We loaded two wagons full of all our stuff we accumulated in the four plus weeks we were there. Mostly blankets and toys for you. Oh yeah, and all our medical supplies. Our whole dresser is now dedicated to all your gauze, saline, tape, ostomy bags, syringes, scissors, and much more.
Leaving was surreal. I cried. It was overwhelming for me to try to comprehend this journey. Walking out the same doors we walked into over four weeks ago and thinking that we had no idea what this journey would be. I had no idea how desperate I would feel, how sick you would get. But I had no idea how many miracles I would be witness to and how much good I would see in others. I had no idea how much my Heavenly Father loves me and you and all those good people.
You didn't seem all too affected by leaving. You didn't show much excitement or emotion when getting in the car and driving away. You finally smiled when we pulled into our garage and you excitedly pointed to the door that leads inside. That was sweet. Both Olivia and Lance were so very excited and happy to have you home. It felt incredible to "be a family" again. We didn't do much. Just were together.
The next few days were, like I said before, wonderful, but hard. We are doing all the same things we did in the hospital, but get to be at home. I said to Daddy tonight that I feel like a nurse, a 24/7 nurse. It's exhausting. But I wouldn't go back to that hospital in order to get some rest. I have never appreciated my bed more than I do now. I have never appreciated having Daddy next to me at night like I do now. I love being home and I know this won't last forever. I can do it. We can do it.
You are getting stronger. You did a little more crawling today. No walking yet. You sit up and play with trains and cars. Last night you pushed a car back and forth and made the vroom, vroom sound. You enjoy Olivia and Lance more and more. It's interesting. . .you really don't like having anyone but Daddy and me get too close to you. That's hard on Olivia and Lance, but they are waiting patiently for little William to get better. You also got to go to the bus stop today. So, life is slowly, very slowly getting back to normal. We have an appointment with your pediatrician tomorrow where they will check your weight and vitals. Then we have an appointment with the surgeon next Wednesday, where they will set up your next surgery to reverse your ileostomy.
Step by step. One day at a time and sometimes one minute at a time. With the bad and the hard come happiness and the joy of watching you get better.
Home. Say it out loud. Doesn't it just make you feel good inside? Every time it gets hard in the next few months I will just say that over and over to myself. Home. Home. Home. Home. William is Home!
WONDERFUL! I am so glad you are all home though I can imagine how hard it is and I know you are down playing it. Please call me I would love to come learn how to take care of William and help you guys out when I can.
ReplyDeleteThomas got out of the hospital on November 24th and I've gone to Zumba twice now. It feels great to exercise again. I can't help but think of you. I wish you were there in front of me so I could follow your moves. ( : And I wish William were there just napping or waiting patiently while you exercised (that always amazed me!) Gradually, I'm adding back parts of my old life. You're starting to get to do that too. For me, it's been so full of relief but also some sadness and fear about it all. That hasn't just disappeared. At least not for me yet. And although our situations are different, there is one part I know I can relate to exactly and that is what you mentioned about the ICU nurses. I am awestruck by what they do as their job. I almost started crying at a completely routine Kaiser audiology appointment for Thomas about 3 weeks after he'd gotten out of the hospital because the lady asked if we'd had her friend Katie as a nurse while we were in the PICU at Emanuel. We had had her and she was wonderful and I couldn't even remember her for a moment without getting choked up! It's powerful and emotionally intense stuff we've gone through as moms. I'm thinking of you and your family.
ReplyDeleteBecca
Congratulations! I'm so happy you are all together again!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you were anticipating it but being home is harder than we think - you are now back on normal mommy duty and nurse duty. Hang in there - I'd like to help! Love you!
ReplyDeleteI am so happy for you all! It will all get better soon and be back to another new "mormal" again.
ReplyDeleteThise nurses and doctors and staff will ALWAYS hold a special place in your hearts...there is none better!
. . . and, Betsy, you are becoming quite the accomplished writer. Your blog entries lately have been quite beautiful and, I know Will will appreciate them; but, most importantly, you will read them over and over as time goes by. Welcome home Will. It's been my pleasure to get to know you through this whole ordeal. I hope to meet you in person soon at your Grandma's house. Love to all of you!
ReplyDeleteDearest Betsy ~
ReplyDeleteThat fact that you already have an appointment set up to talk about reversing William's ileostomy is amazing...it's great to know he's doing so well!
I'm sure there are moments where you wish you could sleep for a year and then some. Even so, it is beautiful to see your gratitude for being home with your whole family, no matter how tiring it is.
I know you are aware of all the help that is available to you. I also know that you may not be ready for any help yet, however, if it becomes to heavy a burden to carry alone before you would ideally like to accept help, please let us assist you!
Lots of Love, Janet
Betsy! I am so glad that William is home. What a miracle. You are amazing. I will keep you all in my prayers. I think about you often and am in awe of how you are doing. I love you!
ReplyDeleteI am so grateful that all is well. What a blessing it has been for me to be able to follow Will's "bump in the road" through this blog. I have wished ever since this began that I could be closer to help. I know that your family has been through an unimaginably difficult trial. But, you found a way to turn that trial into a source of strength for those of us around you--even 800 miles away! You have communicated your faith and testimony and touched the hearts of people in ways that I don't think you will ever fully know.
ReplyDeleteI just want you to know that once again, you have buoyed me up through your incredible testimony! The difficulties and trials I have been working through these past few months seem so trivial when I read about the darkness and fear you faced with William in those early days; and then the small miracles that started to happen...the tender mercies. It has reminded me over and over that we truly have a Heavenly Father who loves us and looks out for us. It has made me so grateful for the blessing of that knowledge! And, it has also made me grateful to come home every day and hug my children. What a precious gift it is to be a mother.
Again, I am so grateful for the friendship I have with you and your special family. I am so glad that we have been able to keep in touch all of these years. Really, Betsy, I wish I had the words to tell you what a wonderful example you have always been for me. I am so grateful that Heavenly Father has given me a few strong friends, like you, to look up to and learn from.
Please keep us posted with Will's progress.
Love,
Meredith
Hey Betsy! I tried calling you a couple of times last week, but I know from reading that you are so busy and it'll probably be awhile before we can talk...Just wanted to let you know that I love you and think you are amazing and know that your little family is so blessed to have you as a mom. Thanks for the post!
ReplyDeleteLove, natalie
It is so great to hear! I know if anyone can get through the hard, it is you. William, you are amazing! I'm so thankful to know you and your family. We are blessed.
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for lots of health and rest your way.